A Pop Crisis

In the face!

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:41:00 -0400

In the face!

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the..."

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:20:00 -0400

““No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.””

- Heraclites

The Criterion Collection is known for giving movies amazing cover art for the DVD’s. This...

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:24:28 -0400

The Criterion Collection is known for giving movies amazing cover art for the DVD’s. This Photoshop forum thread I came across asked the question, “What is Criterion did video games.” This is amazing, there are some incredibly creative people out there. Here is the website: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=357454&page=1.

And here are a few of my favorites:

It started recreational...

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:34:53 -0400

So, The Hold Steady show was pretty amazing last night.

I give the band and “A,” but the crowd gets a “D+”

Seriously CU, learn how to behave yourselves at shows. It is a bad thing when sound equipment is broken. You are allowed to have fun, just don’t let your fun inhibit others from having any.

Props to The Hold Steady for still putting on an amazing show despite the crowd.

Way Down in D-Town

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:22:01 -0400

You never cease to amazing me Dinosaurs Fucking Robots.

dinosaursfuckingrobots:

If you knew what to look for, you knew she was one. The fingertips always give it away. That brushed metal look where everything else is chrome. She might as well be carrying a sign. The squares say the finish is worn from work tasks, but what XJ-93d does any work? No sir; that is the fine wear of leathery skin on chrome. This one is into the dinos.

Personally, I don’t care what goes on behind closed doors, but the brass is put off by this one. The raptors have her number; they are always hanging around, waiting for her to leave work. You ever smell a raptor in heat? Most humans can’t come within a mile of it. That’s bad for business, and business is all that matters to the brass. “Take care of it,” they said, so take care of it I will.

I follow her out of work. This is how it all got started. Used to be robots didn’t leave. Why would they? Now with their advanced computing systems they develop personalities, then personality traits. Traits lead to flaws. Man and dino lived together in relative peace after the initial shock. Sure, some kids got eaten on the way to school, but eventually we learned to coexist. The dinos were smarter than we ever imagined, and a truce was finally met. Robots like this XJ-93d were going to ruin everything. Because of their sentient status, you can’t just do away with a robot, you have to prove something in court, or maybe an accident needs to happen. There’s nothing illegal about a robot fucking a dinosaur, so my guess is that the brass wants that latter.

I tail her to Dino-town; all rundown buildings and park land. The place stinks of rotting carcasses, and the sweet-pungent odor of herbivore shit. There are no lights in Dino-town, so in a couple of hours I am going to be at a significant disadvantage.

Eventually we get to a collapsed building. Most of the first floor wall is still intact. She goes through what used to be the door. I sneak up after a few moments, making sure she’s not just giving me the slip. Sure enough, this is where she was headed. As I approached I could hardly breathe and my lower brain functions were rebelling against me. There were raptors here, alright.

It took a few minutes to get myself together. Your fight-or-flight instinct really kicks in around raptors. If I piss myself (a common human reaction) I will find myself on the menu. I concentrate on my breathing and begin to extrapolate pi. Numbers are calming, since they are logic-based, they fight off lower brain reaction tactics.

I don’t need to peer around the wall to know what is going on, but do anyway. I’ve always know about these kind of robots, these kinds of parties, but getting close is never wise for a human. The setting sun glints off the XJ-93d’s body, shocking my eyes. I am glad for it. As my vision returns it allows the scene to fade in gradually. There are at least five raptors, their crests flared—their rutting furious. It is the most bizarre scene I have ever witnessed.

I sneak away to wait for her to leave, and plan my next move. The brass won’t need to hear my report to make a decision. They pay me to think on my feet. They trust my decisions. This XJ-93d is going to disappear. It’s a shame, but that’s life, even for a robot.

My plan is simple. Wait for her to come out and return to the city. Hit her in the border area, which will be pretty deserted. It’ll be nice and quick. If she could feel, she wouldn’t feel a thing.

Wouldn’t feel a thing, I think. That’s pretty good. Why, though, is she so hungry for sex if she can’t feel? Is this something new? Is it physical feeling, or just the emotional sensation that drives her? Even if it is not physical, are not our senses just stimuli turned into emotion? Perhaps this is some new definition of life flowering, and I am here to squash it in a dark alley?

“I have recognition of your facial features,” a woman’s voice says behind me. Dammit. “You are following me, affirmative?”

“Just interested in you, doll,” I say casually as I can. This is bad. Any robot can be trouble if you don’t have the drop on them.

“You disapprove of my behavior?” she asks.

“Not me. Not so much.” She steps closer.

“My attraction array is not limited to dromaeosaurids. I am capable of appreciating homo sapiens as well,” she states matter-of-factly. She steps again.

It seems strange, but she is exuding a carnality that I only get from human females. I am attracted to her. I feel myself go erect. She places a chrome hand on my chest. I see those slightly worn fingertips. That wear from the leathery raptor skin, and just as I remember, I hear the growl behind me. Yeah, she fucks dinosaurs, and now she’s fucking me too.

She gives me a strong shove, and its all over. The raptor’s jaws snapped my neck. I didn’t feel a thing.

written by Darius Whiteplume

I am addicted to this song. Thanks Andy and Robb.

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:16:18 -0400

I am addicted to this song. Thanks Andy and Robb.

Spring Break

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:26:25 -0400

Here is a summary of my entire Spring Break.

Friday:

Turned in my Graphics projects 30 minutes before it was due

Treat myself to a burrito bowl at Chipotle

Resident Evil 5 with roommate

Battlestar Galactica series finale

Saturday:

Sleep in for the first time in a long time

Beat Resident Evil 5 with roommate

Driver to Peoria for Riverboat Gamblin

Walk away 300 dollars richer

Steak N dinner - no Wi-Fi and drunk old boobs

Realize I never want to see Peoria in the daylight

Sunday:

Wake up around 2 p.m.

Get Wendy’s

Spend part of money on video games

Proceed to play said video games

Lounge around and read Marvel’s House of M

Play video games until I fall asleep

Monday:

Wake up aroud 2 p.m.

Go to work and check in my articles

Schedule time to play writey-drawey with buzz coworkers

Lounge around/read/listen to music/play video games until writey drawey

Get picked up by Tommy to go buy beer

Go to Matt’s and play writey drawey:

Octopi translates into eight pies

Hilarity ensues

Jimmy Johns

Deliciousness ensues

Sleep

Tuesday:

Wake up

Drive home to Salem, fall in love with The Mae Shi

Arrive home, play with my dog Oscar

Eat with parents

Write review of Resident Evil 5 for the217.com

Catch up on Dollhouse

Fall asleep watching Iron Chef America

Wednesday:

Wake up at noon

Get free food at my favorite restaurant back home

Relax/play video games/read until parents come home for dinner

Have amazing dinner with parents

Get a call from Chad, Bryce and Rob, who came to Salem

Go visit our friend Katie and Brittany

Go bowling and meet some fun people from Green Bay

Go to sleep early to prepare myself for my weekend trip

Thursday:

Wake up at 9 am

Get oil changed

Get a bag full of ball bearings

Pick up Andy’s turntable from his Mother

Drive to Breese

Buy 48 bottles of Ski and lunch at my favorite restaurant ever, Wally’s

Visit my Grandmother

Continue driving to Joplin, MO

See a business called FAG on the way, nearly crash car due to laughing

Arrive in Joplin, 46 bottles of Ski left

Meet up with Robb

Go meet Biaka and a few of their friends

Go to Starbucks to meet more of their friends

Andy shows up at Starbucks

Hugs ensue

Go to a bar called Blackthorn, consume PBR

Drive to Andy, Biaka and Robb’s house

Watch Lost

Read Hedge Knight by Geroge R. R. Martin - amazing

Sleep

Friday:

Wake up early

Eat breakfast with Andy’s dad, the incredible Jim Nash. I eat something called Hillbilly Hashbrowns. Too much cheese.

The One Meat

Play in Jim Nash’s semi truck.

Almost sprain ankle jumping over hurdle thing

Go to Andy and Biaka’s old apartment to pick up things, find out power was turned off.

Open fridge, see a turkey log that has been in the unpowered fridge for who knows how long

Smell the worst thing I have ever smell in my entire life

Run out of apartment and dry heave

Andy throws up

Go to see April while she works at Starbucks

Find out she doesn’t have to work for another few hours

Biaka and I go help her decorate for her friends welcome back party. Andy naps. Robb shows up a bit later

Blew up balloons like a champ

Streamer the hell out of the apartment

Write Hot Riot on the ceiling:

Go to get ice cream, but end up getting food instead

Go back to the house, hang around listening to music

Go buy Hot N Ready’s for the Welcome Back Party

Purchase 6 pizzas, eat one in the parking lot

Arrive at party, convince everyone that they gave us an empty box when they find an empty pizza box

Continue with joke until one of the girls decides to call Papa Johns to demand a refund

Hilarity ensues

Meet some amazing people:

Have more fun with a balloon and our noses and knees than should be humanly allowed

Rock me mama like a wagon wheel *clap clap clap clap clap*

Rock me mama any way you feel *clap clap clap clap clap*

Rock me mama like the wind and the rain *clap clap clap clap clap*

Rock me mama like a south-bound train *clap clap clap clap clap*

Hey mama rock me

Get assigned boy band personalities. I was the “heart throb”:

Invent game called “Grow a Pair” which invovles seeing who can last the longest in the apartment with the rotten turkey.

Go back to the turkey apartment

Last maybe 10 seconds before I run outside to drive heave again.

Andy throws up 3 more times

Head back and play writey drawey

Before writey drawey begins, have a party blower war:

Biaka sticks one in each of his nostrils and laughs. They inflate when he laughs, which causes him to laugh more. This lasts for around 10 minutes.

“That’s a stallion” “No, that is a giraffe coming out of his shorts”

Go back to the house

Watch 30 Rock

24 Skis left.

sleep

Saturday:

Wake up

Go eat BBQ: pulled pork sandwich, GIANT basket of curley fries and one of the most delicous pieces of chocolate peanut butter pie I have ever had

Robb’s broccoli salad smells ridiculously like the turkey in the refrigerator

Andy almost throws up

As we were leaving the restaurant, notice a vending machine that sells fake mustaches…of course I buy one.

Put on mustache. Put on short shorts, bandanna, and a way too small polo:

HIlarity ensues

This is what Freedom looks like:

Prepare to go to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the basketball game:

Consume beer, croutons and wings

Go back to house and change back to regular clothes. Short shorts in an ice storm is not a good idea

Go to Blackthornn, order pizza, drink many-a-pitcher of American Ale

Say It Ain’t So

Come on Eileen

Drink more pitchers of Miller Light

Walk back to the house

Have an amazing drunken discussion with Robb

sleep

Sunday:

Drive home

The Mighty Boosh is on Adult Swim!

Go to bed early

I think it means whale's vagina

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:05:23 -0400

Leaving to go to San Diego for the weekend. It is so weird to pack for warm weather. I almost forgot how to do it. Good thing I own plenty of T-shirts and jeans.

Those are simultaneously the bravest and cutest ducks EVER.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:59:00 -0500

Those are simultaneously the bravest and cutest ducks EVER.

urbanaguerilla: brittanyabeijon: About one year ago today, I...

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:52:45 -0500

urbanaguerilla:

brittanyabeijon:

About one year ago today, I was here. I had just downed five $5 cosmos NYC style and was loudly exclaiming, “When in Rome!” while running through the streets of Times Square with a few of my fellow NYC-bound journalist friends.

Then I took my buzzed self into the m&m factory and waited in line with several other children to be scanned by a laser and told my secret m&m color…I was white.

Oh, the memories…

bridgetmaiellaro:

I <3 NYC.

That was an incredibly formative adventure. It was an honor to share it with you lovely ladies. <3.

What a good trip. I was talking with some people who are going on it this year and told them to prepare for awesomness. Even though I don’t think they can top the awesomeness that we had.

Music that makes you dumb

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:49:06 -0500

Music that makes you dumb:

I am glad that some of my favorite bands (Sufjan, Radiohead) are on the higher end of the list. Is it weird that a lot of the bands I listend to in highschool are on the lower end of the list? Oh well… Thanks to Eva for this find, it was a great distraction from my stressful day.

Another fallen comrade. RIP Rocky Mountain News.

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:45:20 -0500

Another fallen comrade. RIP Rocky Mountain News.

Slightly intrigued ...

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:26:59 -0500

I just got a subscription to this. If it is as legit and awesome as I hope it is…I may have a new dream job.

My new pet owl that I bought for .65 cents. He has no name yet,...

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:00:37 -0500

My new pet owl that I bought for .65 cents. He has no name yet, but I am open to suggestions.

“You’re a door without a key, a field without a...

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:26:00 -0500

“You’re a door without a key, a field without a fence, you made a holy fool of me and I’ve thanked you ever since. And if she come circling back, we’ll end where we begun, like two pennies on a train track, the train crushed into one. But if I’m a crown without a king, if I’m a broken open seed. If I come without a thing, then i come with all I need. No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head. The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead.” - “In a Sweater Poorly Knit” by mewithoutyou

Almost makes me want to believe.

What Not to Wear.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:39:29 -0500

Around Christmas time, the big joke amongst my family was that my sister Kristen nominated my sister Cheryl to be on What Not to Wear. Well, I guess they liked her because they replied back saying she was an excellent candidate and they need more information about her. This isn’t official or anything, but my sister might be on What Not to Wear.

This is just cool.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:36:47 -0500

This is just cool.

Tarantino + WW2 + Brad Pitt’s mustache = quality summer...

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:03:51 -0500

Tarantino + WW2 + Brad Pitt’s mustache = quality summer entertainment. Actual teaser trailer should be on the interwebs tomorrow.

Mr. Rogers was AMAZING.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:56:17 -0500

“He Made Thieves Think Twice
According to a TV Guide piece on him, Fred Rogers drove a plain old Impala for years. One day, however, the car was stolen from the street near the TV station. When Rogers filed a police report, the story was picked up by every newspaper, radio and media outlet around town. Amazingly, within 48 hours the car was left in the exact spot where it was taken from, with an apology on the dashboard. It read, “If we’d known it was yours, we never would have taken it.””

What an amazing man. Thanks to my friend Gina for sending me this link : http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/20005.html

I guess not

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 04:13:42 -0500

I can’t watch BSG after all. My DVR was full so it didn’t record it. Damn my reliance on technology!